Heartaching, anyone knows?

Finally, exams and all are over... and I'm back to my little world...

Feeling down today. Don't know why... Maybe it's due to the reason that I feel I am not doing the things I am to do. Felt very "under- use".Sure, I am called this and given that title to do something yet, I feel I am not doing much. Haha... How about givng you a title of a CEO/ Director/ manager but you have no resources, people given to you are those who are not interested in their work, have quit or ae posted out?

Bring this nearer to home... How about giving you a title to be a helper. The peope whom you are to follow up are those who are already backslided and some, either are not interested and those who are always out of town? What will you be left with?Funny right?

Maybe I am complaining but I really am at a lost. Really do not know what to do. so what if I am a SOT student? So what? What's the big deal when people despises you? Yes, even your very own members? Back stabbing you? Well, that's what I feel... It's like giving you the best weapons in the world YET NO ammunitions. Irony, right?

So what if you can be trained in the best training centres in the world? BIG DEAL! best educations, BIG DEAL! I'm gonna graduate? yeah right, nice to hear only... but actual fact, I dun like that idea. Not that I dislike grauduating, but I am toying with an idea... to get out of SOT now....Maybe I ought to even loo at myself. Have I been a lousy person? I really wonder why is it that I can have so many so called friends in Church YET no real friends. It's a real joke. Not kidding...

Kind of felt that I am broken in heart, dying... Who knows my agony? Who knows what I really want? I am not asking for much. To be placed where I can grow. To help those who are weaker... Feeling like wanting to kick away everything in life and not be in any place but in my room and in a way, waste time... Maybe that'll be fun... :( but I can't... I cannot do such silly and meaningless things.

Words of encouragements are good but... it's just like a poor kid who is a Christian, loves God, but stays in Africa coming to you, asking for meat and asking one question... I love God, my friends does not, why is it that they have food and meat to eat while I have only... air and rotten vegetables?

Am not trying to test God in anyway but really, am I in where I a supposed to be?


"Jesus' love, never fails me... Jesus' love, never fails me... Jesus' love, never fails me... Jesus' love, never fails me... Jesus' love, never fails me... Jesus' love, never fails me... Jesus' love, never fails me... Jesus' love, never fails me... "

Yes, His love will never fail me. I'll be like King David... saying that which has been said in Ps 23 and also saying... God is the STRENGTH of my HEART, my portion FOREVER~~~~~~~~~